


The Journal of Doctor Leonard Horatio McCoy: A dictation.

by Tarvok



Series: Hello World [2]
Category: Star Trek: Alternate Original Series (Movies), Star Trek: The Original Series
Genre: Blindness, Disabled Character, Epistolary, Gen, Life Experience, M/M, Paraplegia, Psychic Abilities, Slight AU of the AOS, Vulcan mental illness
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2013-12-11
Updated: 2014-04-23
Packaged: 2018-01-04 07:47:41
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 6
Words: 2,152
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1078392
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Tarvok/pseuds/Tarvok
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>The journal entries of Doctor Leonard Horatio McCoy after Jim wakes from his coma. A continuation of the Dear... series: When they brought Jim back, they thought it would be easy. They were wrong. A story of living and loving with lasting disability, and the effect this has on all involved.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Leonard's not too sure how he feels about the new doctor, and they have some ideas for Jim's recovery.

Hello World  
The Journal of Doctor Leonard Horatio McCoy: A dictation.

By Tarvok

Rating: Varied. M/M, Gen. Character study. Nu!Trek.

  

I met with Drs. Ma'a'risha i'Senn and Taxhana Jar today to discuss some possibilities with Jim's treatment. Ma'a'risha suggested doing something with Khan's leukocytes to repair Jim's spinal cord. She's a swell gal, I'll admit. A bit... rough around the edges. I half expect her to either scream some obscenity and punch out the wall for some random reason or threaten my life for daring to be Human in her presence. Other than that, she's great. Taxhana says she's hitting on me when she does it... I really don't wanna know what “it” she's talking about. I'm hoping looking threatening is not a Romulan courtship ritual.

Taxhana is much nicer. Way too nice, in my humble opinion, but it doesn't matter one bit. She's great with Jim. She puts him at ease, I can tell. I've heard him tell her he doesn't feel right. Like everyone in the room is a chunk of lifeless wood compared to how he feels them to be. Like there's two “inputs,” as he put it. She cracked a joke about spending some time on Vulcan, and he brightened up. It's good to see. 

We both had the idea for optical implants, but she's the one who suggested using his paracortex. With it's rate of growth, had he had sight, he would be able to see the emotions of others as a form of parathesia. She believes we can tap into that to allow him to see something. I have no idea as to the science of that, but I'll figure it out. All I know right now is he's got no functioning visual cortex left to attach the optical nerve to. Khan's blood and his genes didn't allow enough of his damned Human brain for standard functions like sight and taste, and any number of other sensory functions, to remain intact. What he's got right now is a mixed together combination of a pseudo-paracortex basically fused to the brain he always had.

….

I think Taxhana has decided to help Spock, because they've been around each other for the whole afternoon. She was helping him with his class reports this morning, and they were both meditating for hours after lunch. I tried not to laugh... she was fidgety the whole time and when they finished, she walked like her butt or a leg was numb. She never complained, though, and said she'd be by tomorrow to meditate again. I was surprised that Spock actually thanked her. I really haven't heard him say a word in the three weeks since Jim opened his eyes. I'll have to look into what Betazoids are really capable of. Two telepathic races... that's got to do something.

She's coming by again later tonight to spend the night in Jim's room to observe something Betazoidy. I gave my approval because there's two cameras in that room, so she can't try anything. I heard her ask Spock if he'd join her, but never heard his response.

It sounds like Jo needs help with her homework.

 


	2. Chapter 2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Leonard's sent for Skaron and he doesn't like the super-nice Dr. Jar.

I've sent away for Skaron to come here permanently. He should be here real soon. It appears that what he was so concerned about has happened. The effects of Spock's dissolving bond with Jim, combined with Spock's unique biology, has caused something horrible to happen.

Bendii syndrome.

….

That's what he called it. Sarek said his own pa had it before he died. It's already not common in Vulcans, and it's virtually non-existent in young ones... but Spock's only half-Vulcan, so I suppose it makes sense. If anything about these damned hobgoblins made any sense to begin with. I'm a doctor, not a... not a... _fuck_.

I have to go. Skaron's here and my head hurts. I'm hoping it isn't Spock again. That damn super-nice Taxhana... if she's gone and upset him again I'm not letting her do her little “let's meditate in the living room, Spock” crap ever again. I know she spoke to him. I know she did. He was stony and cold for three days. Not even Sarek could...

I'm _coming_!


	3. Chapter 3

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Leonard and Skaron are on the same page.

Skaron and I are on the same page on this one. Spock's got a type of aphasia. It's been a couple more weeks since he's basically stopped speaking to anyone in the house. I'm aware he's been trying to dictate a journal, and I've told him to go ahead and keep trying with it. As it is, it takes him a few days to manage a complete entry.

I'm gonna try to help him with his next one.

Also, there's no more Taxhana and Spock. She's doing wonders for Jim, and we're almost finished with the ocular implants... but no. Just no. She's not doing Spock a lick of good. She really has no idea how to deal with Vulcans. Spock's doing great on his own. I mean, he's doing as great as he can, just melding with Sarek.

I go and find him if there's a buzzing in my head, and he walks right to his pa and they take care of it. Jim's also calmer than before, too, though that could be because he's got a chair and can go outside for a while every day now. That's all thanks to my immuno-sprays. He hates 'em, but that's just Jim.

As for Spock... well, I think there's something he's not telling me. I know Sarek is aware of it, because I brought it up to him and he was adamant, in his Vulcan way, that he's dealing with it. I wish I knew what it was. Hell, Jim would know. They'd never keep anything like that from him.

….

….

I'm gonna see if Jo has any homework she needs help with.

 

 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I am now ignoring all comments insulting the integrity of this work, or insulting me. 
> 
> Everything I write is deliberate, and as is common with this format, each individual nuance of each character's speech patterns is going to come through.
> 
> Expect Spock's dictations to begin making less and less sense. If I see one comment on this, I am deleting it. If you have the time to complain, you have time to research aphasia, ASK ME WHAT HE MEANS...
> 
> Or I don't know... admit you don't understand what I'm writing. Stop insulting me because you're the one with the problem. I've put up with it enough.
> 
> Good day.


	4. Chapter 4

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> It's been a couple of months since Leonard's last entry.

It's been a couple months since my last entry. Boy, have things been busy here.

We got Jim his implants installed. That was a bit of an iffy surgery, but I managed it. Tax has been adjusting them over time, so now he can see something between fuzzy gray shapes and crystal clear outlines with fuzzy colored middles. At least that's how he describes it. I've got no damned clue what that even means.

I'm still working with Ma'a'risha on the spinal immuno-implants. It's gonna be a rather sophisticated, yet bastardised version of the Instagen Oasis tech, but we'll get there.

She's actually been the most help to Spock, which is somewhat not surprising. She helps him deal with his situation without shame, which is something we've not been able to do. Maybe it helps that, way back when, she and he were so similar in biology that he's now just more like her than other Vulcans. They have a thing between them, like “comrades in arms,” as she puts it. It's fitting. She helps him with these breathing exercises and he helps her meditate so she doesn't thump random people. I'd say that's a serious improvement... we do not need another “almost diplomatic incident.” Phew.

Spock's having some increased trouble with being around people. For the most part he's fine. Until something startles him... then it's unpleasant. We had a rain storm here a couple days ago and he didn't know because he was asleep. The thunder hit pretty bad and he started crying. Sarek took care of it, because I couldn't get near him. I nearly threw up, my head was pounding so badly. Once he calmed down some, Skaron went in and sat with him a while. At that point, I could go in and sit with him, too. We talked about how illogical thunder is... and he agreed with me for once.

He's lucid, I know that. We all know that. So we're all equally careful to not say or do anything that might make him feel ashamed or embarrassed. Sarek is the best about this. Me? Not so much. Ma'a'risha asserts it's just a matter of helping him relearn what he knew about feelings as a child, before Vulcan made him forget. She insists this is true because he cries like a small child. Maybe she's right. Naturally, we all know it's not that simple, but if we can get Spock to believe it... even a little bit...

As for Jim... nobody's told him, but I think he knows. When Spock goes downstairs to sit with him, or takes him out for his “daily roll,” as Jim puts it, Jim always has this fond, knowing look on his face. He holds Spock's hand a lot, too. I know Spock is a lot calmer, more stable, around Jim. Whether that is Jim's influence, or Spock's desperate control, I dunno. Maybe it's both.

Spock can't handle being around Jo, though. What I mean is, _he's_ fine. _She's_ not, and that bothers him. It's those teenage hormones, I keep telling him. Whenever he's even mildly upset, even with Skaron nearby, she'll throw a fit. These are Grade-A-amazing fits, too. She always gets so upset with him afterward, as though he's doing it to her on purpose.

We've all tried explaining Bendii to her, but she won't listen. I guess that's how it's gonna be. I hope she wakes up soon and realises that she's not gonna be able to come around anymore if she doesn't wise up. She's my baby, but Spock's my friend, my patient, my bondmate, and sometimes, my lover. I love my baby, but I also love Spock.

Ah... well, it's time for Jim's “roll.” It's my turn. He insists on going to the park today, so I gotta grab some extra hypos.

 

 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> For those who are interested: 
> 
> http://en.memory-alpha.org/wiki/Bendii_Syndrome
> 
> Also of note: Spock will most likely not die from this usually fatal disease as he's half-Human. The logistics of it, you will get in time.


	5. Chapter 5

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Jim's focusing on someone else.

Well, it's good to see Jim focusing on someone besides himself for a while. I've been concerned for him for a few weeks. This whole thing with his spinal implants did not go well, and I had to redo them several times. There was a miscalculation on the parts of everyone involved, and he was left with just enough sensation to be in agony. No pain killer would touch it, and I was scared that if Sarek hadn't offered to meld with him during the worst moments so he could get some kind of break from it...

I've seen men with less end it all.

I said screw it and fixed them myself by hand. We went through it together until everything felt normal and he wasn't in pain. He stayed conscious, but that shoulda been done in the first place. He's fine in that department now. It should take another couple months before he actually is able to move at all, but he can at least feel his lower half now. I gave him the green light on sitting in during Spock's lessons. 

That's what he's been focusing on: Spock.


	6. Chapter 6

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks to everybody for sticking with the story. I know the updates are slow, but depression does that to you. Sucks all your ability to do anything right out. As always, I remind folks that I write from experience in here somehow.
> 
> Again, thanks.

Whew. It's been an awful long time since I've used this thing. I've turned off the dictation software, as it's a bit noisy in here today, and... honestly? That newfangled contraption never set well with me.

Jo's in college now; gonna be a Paralegal. I'm _so_ proud of her. She's my baby girl all grown up. She brought her new puppy over this morning. A cute little Pomeranian that's taken a liking to Sarek _for some reason_. Follows him everywhere. It's good that dog isn't smart enough to get bored – Sarek really doesn't go anywhere but out to the garden and down the street a ways. He just raised that brow of his the moment that dumb thing jumped up on his leg and left it at that. Now they're _besties_.

I don't really know how to write this next part. I've recorded it on my PADD already a bit. The important bits, anyway. It's Spock. He's, well the Bendii-like illness he's dealing with is taking it's toll. I think. It's... hard to tell just what all it is. 

He's had to quit teaching at SFA, and despite everyone's best efforts, he isn't speaking anymore. Not even melding with Jim or his pa is working anymore – and he's refused to do that for over a month now. He barely eats unless Jim's the one feeding him. He'll do anything for Jim. Always. 

I don't honestly know a whole lot about this whole thing. Sarek has said that it causes it's sufferers to deteriorate rapidly, but I'm not seeing the pattern that he described to me. The only deterioration I've seen in Spock's scans is in his language centers and his metacortex – barely Stage 1 Bendii. Nothing in the scans indicates why he's stopped speaking, or why he isn't eating, or even why he sleeps the day away and hardly ever leaves the room he shares with Jim. I'm gonna run more tests, obviously, but I don't really know what to do.

I gotta go. That stupid mutt's scratchin' at my door. What the hell could  _he_ want? Aw, well. At least he's cute.


End file.
